Stop the presses and alert the media.

Big hoopla around the tango communities!

Dancing with the Stars will include the Argentain tangou!

It would be nice to have the United States go crazy over ARGENTINE TANGO, some loony writes. Unfortunately many people have not experienced it. And we all know that “TO KNOW THE ARGENTINE TANGO IS TO LOVE IT”. Bless her clueless heart.

So Li’l Kim and Derek just went first and they did the tangou to a cheesy TAQUITO MILITAR, a milonga beat.
Bruno must be smoking the real shit, because he gave them a 10.
America is loving it already.

LT is having a hard time concentrating but… Edyta pobrecita. The music sucks very badly so actually they don’t look too bad. Almost “nuevo light.”  Yes, a little chemistry was lacking, but how can you focus your testosterone when the woman is flying and flicking her feet all over the place. Lawrence got punished with a 5 from Len for being grounded. Go figure it. Oh, elephants can’t dance tango like a panther. Got it. Are you still loving it America?

Fans seem to love Steve the Woz, who seems to be overcoming his fear of acting gay. Karina brings a chair and after they do an interlude a la me Guillerma, you Fernando, they actually go into a brief Pupi apilado walk without the tongue in Karina’s ear. He didn’t drop her but he still gets trashed by all three judges. Bruno gets the best quote for tango that stinks, “We all know that the tango comes from the ghettos of Buenos Aires, but the only thing you got from there is the stench.” Ah yes, the music is getting even hideous now but who’s listening.

Holly and Dimitri. Very sophisticated dance, he says. She’s hurt and cries in the bathroom. What’s with the chair? He goes around holding her foot! She exhibits chicken legs. Stupid arrangement of Libertango with a choreography that looks it was learned from watching You Tube. At the end he picks her up and does a Larici with poor Holly throwing her backwards into the floor. If they had that big bandoneon, she would have hit it with her ass. So far pretty lame so we suspect that Cheryl and partner after four hours with Sandor in L.A. would clean everybody’s clock. But you never know so while we go for another glass of wine, we wait. And ah, yes. How do you love it so far America?

Everybody knows Frenchmen can’t dance tango. Just kidding, actually I’m using the typical “everybody knows bullshit, bullshit” preface to lame postings by loony tunes people. So Gilles and Cheryl look fab. Never mind his faggy back ochos or his stiff pointed elbows. Who cares about dancing. They are good actors playing a clean, tight routine. The Sandor touch shows, they learned the few tricks and they look amazing. All in four hours. To top it off, the clincher of all the sleazy endings, the roasted chicken. That gets Bruno so aroused that his butt might be melting like butter on a hot pan, and proclaims Gilles the quintessential Latin Lover. Carrie Ann makes sense when she says that nobody could tell who was the professional. That goes to show you America that a good time tested choreography properly performed can go a long way to the point where you can’t remember what music they were dancing to. I bet it was as bad or worse than the previous one. But fear not, next time you go out and try the roasted chicken never mind what music they’re playing, except if the lyrics start with “Oh, Jose can you see?” They got a deserved perfect score and your vote America. Me, I go with my own sets of values and vote for Li’l Kim and Derek who chose a piece of music, wrong rhythm and all, that actually sounded Argentain.

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